Okay, so several days ago, I stumbled on an article entitled ’7 Things Your Muslim Husband Won’t Tell You’ by Muttaqi Ismaila, and I wasn’t happy about something he said. In fact, I was buzzing with curiosity, and I did find the statement to be interesting and a good topic for a heated debate and discussion between guys and gals.
Muttaqi says, “All men think about other women. [Really? So you mean ALL MEN were created polygamous by nature? And women created to be monogamous by nature? And you mean my husband is thinking about another woman?? Eek!]
It doesn’t mean he’s going to cheat on you.
It doesn’t mean he’s thinking about taking a second wife.
It doesn’t mean he’s fantasizing about another woman.
It just means that all (straight) men do, at some point in their lives, consider having another woman (i.e. wife). [ahm ok hmm, so you get as yet why I ain't a happy bunny?]
You’re better off coming to terms with this and accepting it than having false, purile notions about men. The best way to combat these thoughts are …
1. Respect him.
2. Be loyal to him.
3. Give him physical love when he wants it…”
I’m not offended by what he said, I am open to hearing different perspectives. I think it’s important for men and women to understand and study each other, for only then , we can truly satisfy each other’s needs. But I’m not sure I believe that notion that ALL MEN are wired that way. I do, however, think MOST MEN are polygamous, especially if they lack a spiritual connection with the divine, but still not sure if by nature or their just being selfish and weak to their desires.
I have also heard men say that the more religious or spiritual they get, the more women they desire. O really? One would think it would be the other way around. So men, you tell me is this true? Just asking – curious me…
Here are some of the feedback I received (only initials are used) :-
OS: Using the word straight speaks for it self that is in our Dna we are built that way.But once he is shown love at home and is able to know that how important is his role as a father and husband he will be there for his family,it come with maturity and I would not lie it is very hard to reach to that level once you are not a firm believer in Allah.
JJ: 100% true. But don’t be dismayed because u have the answer to combat that.
ZJ: Ok so basically all men are not monogamous by nature?
ZJ: nah I am open to hearing different perspectives I find it interesting. I think it’s important for men and women to understand and study each other- only then we can truly satisfy each other’s needs.
JJ: Once a man is respected at home and both parties understand their roles and willingly perform their duties ur relationship will be stable. But society has destroyed relationships through talks of equality and the most famous career\independent woman. A ship can only have 1 captain but through collective cooperation that’s the only way it can reach its destination.
YE: Me and my hubby have honest open discussion on topics such as this. From my personal experience, most men are like that, as the society in which we live have taught them from small that, that’s ok. Some would argue that men are wired that way, but I think it obviously have to do with environment or what our society teaches us from small about what is ok and what is not ok.
ZJ: Hmm I’m not sure I believe that notion that ALL MEN are wired that way. I do, however, think MOST MEN are wired that way, especially if they lack a spiritual connection with the divine. But I have also heard men say that the more religious or spiritual they get, the more women they desire lool (What BS – you would think it would be the other way around).
YE: Nature at work lol
ZJ: Hmm then this men are wired this way talk begs the question – Are women created to be monogamous by nature? But then that is arguable because as we all know some women cheat on their spouses or partners over and over again. So is just the environment as YE suggested?
YE: Nature versus nurture argument lol. Women?? Never really looked into the women one lol
WBL: Not in total agreement if this is true then men are to ignore what the quran and the hadith teaches about “lowering your gaze”… Well in this world sth tinz are right and some ain’t, let call a spade a spade… Looking aint right #shikena
CJ: Yep I totally agree cause I am sure all women think of other men too…. I do
AI: i’d say it’s pretty true…thus, the allowance of polygyny (although that comes about for not just ‘being attracted’). and IF women are so panicked at the thought of sharing, they may need to heed his advice…lol. nature vs. nurture? obviously both depending on the culture/environment/political-social correctness. re: women–women cheating—in a ‘men/women are the same’ over sexed, secular culture– where there is effort to denature both sides– women will obviously begin to ‘do as they do.’ it’s another sign of women’s liberation, right? freedom to do what you want cause you want it and it feels good..in today’s current the rules are not taken that seriously by more and more of both sexes.
ZJ: Ha ha CN
ZJ: If a women says she thinks about other men it would cause an uproar, but it is acceptable for men to think of other women and say it out loud and wouldn’t get the same reaction
AW: that article is true and that’s one of the many reasons for they’re allow Ed more than one. it doesn’t matter what you do in the home that’s apart of their nature. we just have to accept that. as long as they treat u well love, respect, the whole package I say don’t stress it; and think about the hereafter you’ll get what you want there…
MD: Thinking about other women is haram. Checking other women out is zina of the eyes.
We are accountable for our thoughts, obviously we cant help what comes in to our heads, but to dwell on the thoughts is zina of the mind. Why should we be accepting of our husbands doing haram? Do we not care about their akhirah?
ZJ: Good point Miss Direkshun… most of the comments from the women are basically suggesting that that’s just the way men are so we should just accept it. What about both men and women being commanded by Allah (s.w) to lower our gaze??
MD: Also having a second wife is totally different from checking out random girls on road!
The process should be done in a halal manner, the same way finding a first wife is. It shouldn’t involve, dating etc
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