Real Talk: I Am Not Free Until I am Married or Am I?

Many young Muslim ladies look forward to marriage for what might appear as debatable reason.

The trapped feeling tends to reveal its ugly head when high school is finished with and college awaits. In the U.S. the media pushes for leaving your parents house and going off into the real world to get a feel for being an adult. It’s a serious challenge when the music of the unknown gets to be a volume louder than usual and you find yourself being abnormally curious to go out on your own and if not that then move into a dorm in a university. The Middle Eastern culture does not particularly favor that, especially for women. Only one more option to consider; if I want to leave the house, go out and scratch my I need to explore itch then I must get married.

Whether or not we are mentally prepared for marriage most of us tend to leap before we know what it is that’s there to catch us. Basically seeing everything through that narrow hole and not looking at the clear big picture. I sometimes wonder if we have nothing to do but think beyond what we already have, the example I have is the unhappy billionaire or the poor man wanting a break standing behind his “will work for food” poster on the street. Although the examples are extreme, my point is if we aren’t facing a serious crisis our thoughts as young women are dramatic and petty at times won’t you agree?

A non-Muslim young lady might exhaust her remedies in the form of experimenting with boyfriends, drugs, and whatever else they are able to get away with. For us, unfortunately that isn’t an option, so our mind might be empty and a little too open for whatever wants to come knocking. Temptation!

I met a woman who told me to stop the urge of wanting to go out and possibly run into trouble get them (young women) married and eventually busting out kids so she will be so occupied with running a house and raising her children that her mind won’t have time to venture off. I agree with the whole concept that our mind wonders when it is empty, besides school, is marriage really what’s going to set us free and/or keep us busy and away from wrong?

I do not want to seem like I am against marriage I just want everyone to be sure they are aware of what really waits for them. It’s an updated version of responsibility, a pile load of it, you aren’t off the hook! Again I am not attempting to worry or scare anyone out of what we are supposed to do, but eventually is honestly right around the corner so no rush is needed. Don’t get me wrong it’s wonderful to be married, but it also has its setbacks, again if you aren’t truly ready.

Freedom is in the mind, so if you feel trapped I believe you are doing it to yourself. I do understand that I may not aware of every household rules and requirements especially of the women. Everyone’s house is different no matter what the belief system is like, it’s about culture. I can assure you though if it honestly is that bad of a living arrangement then you will figure out a way to set yourself free without running away of course.

I want to say that I am a well-rounded person that I can understand what we are going through, as young Muslim women, because most of the time I have experienced it or have had someone close in my life GO through it. Fortunately, I was privileged in my house and allowed to make my own mistakes with the hopes that I learned from them. Thankfully I do learn everyday that I am alive. The leap from your family’s house to your own house isn’t that far so if you are considering marriage to escape, escape inside a book instead. If you feel caged in, speak with your parents, inform them now that you have reached a more mature age new rules are in order. Finish your studies then look into marriage because a smart man loves a smart woman.